Wikipedia Challenge - Dick Erixon

Came up with "Dick Erixon", an article about a Swedish blogger. So this isn't purely inspired by the title, but also the country mentioned in the article. As I invented the Wikipedia Challenge I deem that inspiration can come from anywhere and need only be tangentially related to the article itself.

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Dick Erixon was a simple man. It was only natural that he worked for IKEA. After all, all of the proud citizens of Ikearike Intesverige did their part for the glory of their corpocracy.

He did not work in the stores, selling the möbler like many of his fellow countrymen; he was a businessman (affärsman, as they were called). It was a high-status job and he had it because of his high intelligence and creativity.

He, like most affärsmän, worked in a cubicle writing reports and going to meetings. His title was pinned to the entrance of the cubicle - Chef för Affärsområde Erövring.

He came into work fifteen minutes later than usual – there was a tillbud on the road he usually biked down to get to the office – and sat on his MARKUS. He took some of yesterday’s files out of EFFECTIV to quickly review them before the morning’s meeting.

He looked at Agda, who worked in the cubicle next to his, and gave her a smile. She returned his smile and gave him a quick wink.

Dick grinned to himself; he’d always thought Agda was the most gorgeous woman in the office – sitting at her MATTEUS with her legs crossed flirtatiously, showing a little bit too much thigh. She rolled her MARKUS towards Dick’s cubicle.

“You’re late. I heard there was a tillbud?” She asked, sounding more interested than you would expect.

“Yes, it’s probably those damn rebels again.”

Agda nodded in agreement. “Yes. Those lantvärn need to stop with their foolish quest for peace.”

“They are certainly going about it the wrong way. Äldesteikea is about peace; the lantvärn are about death. Or at least it seems that way.”

“I suppose it does seem that way.” She murmured. “But I can sort of see where they’re coming from. The war is causing so much loss of innocent life – “

“Loss of life that doesn’t recognise Äldesteikea!” Dick responded quickly, cutting her off. “The lantvärn - rebels, whatever you want to call them - they’re killing people who are devoted to Äldesteikea! People who have dedicated their lives to Äldesteikea. People like you and me, Agda!”

Agda frowned a little.

“I don’t know. All of us, us citizens – “

“Coworkers.” Dick corrected her immediately, giving her a slight glare.

“Sorry. Coworkers. All of us co-workers,” She continued, saying the word with a tiny but detectable dose of venom. “Don’t really have much choice. After all, what will happen to us if we were to say something blasphemous about Äldesteikea?”

Dick reeled in horror at the thought. He couldn’t even imagine what somebody could say about Äldesteikea that would be blasphemous – he tried to think of something, anything, but all he knew about Äldesteikea were good things. He struggled and managed to form the words in his mind: ‘Äldesteikea is perfect, and therefore cannot become anything better than he is’. Just thinking that prosaic sentence made him feel uncomfortable. He managed to reply to Agda:

“You mean, people are able to think of... unpositive things to say about the great Äldesteikea? He who gives us food, shelter and clothing? He who without which our lives have no purpose?”

Agda leant closer to Dick, and whispered her next words.

“Don’t you remember life, all those years ago, when Äldesteikea was just IKEA? When it was just a shop, a place to buy quality products at affordable prices? Before Sverige became Ikearike Intesverige?”

“The Dark Ages, that’s what you’re talking about?”

“They were not even ten years ago! You really mean to tell me you can’t remember? I was only a girl, but I remember it well.”

“How old do you think I am?!” Dick replied, automatically.

“Can’t you remember?”

Dick struggled, and thought back to ten or fifteen years ago – back to when he was a teenager. To a world without Äldesteikea. To Sverige, as it was known then. To his school, his computer games. It was hard to think about – not having Äldesteikea in these memories made them almost painful – but he knew that the world was okay then. But he remembered something else, too.

“But Sverige was only tiny! It was less than ten percent the size of Europe! Now Ikearike Intesverige is far larger and grander! No more are Norge, Finland, Estland, Polen, Ukraina and the rest of them seperate countries! We are all a part of Ikearike Intesverige and with it, proper children of Äldesteikea. We have given them an opportunity they didn’t have before. To become a part of something greater.”

“You would think that, wouldn’t you?” She said bitterly.

“Yes, I do.” He nodded, and cleared his throat. “Anyway, let me look through this file. I have to present a report shortly giving a plan for the invasion of the remaining countries in Western Europe that haven’t agreed to become a part of glorious Äldesteikea’s empire.”